In Between Indecisive and Doubt

Siti Arofah short story collection. It's beautiful, the beach this Nias. With a beautiful stretch of white sand, green palm trees on the beach, the wind lilting my clothes, sunset landscape that reminded me of the past memories with my husband, all featuring arranged in front of my eyes this time. Yes, I'm alone here, hoping to run away from all the problems now are haunting me.
And I
know, my husband was hoping I come back in a warm embrace. Although I try to forget for a moment this problem, it still troubles so cavalier present in the shadows of recollection. Beautiful beaches can also change the Nias will not distress me. These tears falling one after another melts is inevitable, when I remembered what was happening between me and Alexa, my husband. Should it erase memories? A question I never answered until now. If traced back, the early story of our love both so beautiful and strong. He is very loyal to me. The wait was so strong, when he married me after I finish my college S1 in the country's leading universities in Yogyakarta. In fact, for him is so easy to find a replacement myself another girl, remember Alexa has the ideal posture and good looks are no doubt. Moreover, he has become an established, working in a reputable company with a Carrier positions are moved up. Ah, What woman did not glance at him! Between Jakarta and Yogyakarta, despite the distance separating me with him, our love ended in a beautiful marriage. Interwoven love so very strong always accompanies our lives thereafter. The first years of our marriage and both look so happy. Me and Alexa was so drunk in the beauty of love is so deep. But in the third year that never gets in the start I never thought before. We have not been blessed with a child. Maybe God has not entrusted us, maybe our struggle is not enough for this. This anxiety makes me nervous, no matter how small could be arguments that are difficult to avoid. I became a very sensitive. How could the fruit of love is present when we fight each other? However, Alexa is so tough. In setaip MY temper, he has always been a hero to me. In the morning, when I opened my eyes, everything was sweet served at the dinner table. Of rice, side dishes and hot drinks all were ready to eat for both of us. The whole house also has neat and clean. Alexa had mopped the floor with carbolic fragrance that we like. But, again I was so arrogant to him, until my face was creased without the slightest smile. I'm still angry! Apparently Alexa was so patient with me. He did not strike back my joke. "Hayuk we eat, baby!" Finally I would also yield a call for me unfortunately. On a night when we lay in our bed room, self blod ask Alexa, "Why do not we raise a child that we take from the orphanage?" Alexa such confusion, it looked very much if his face did not approve of me. He just shook his head without a word out of his mouth. We talk to each other between the outbreak of the silent night. I'm back in a heart full of uncertainty. The next day I was getting upset. Growing anger welled up, but was never able to let go. This chest tightness once. Again Alexa be nice to me. Finally, all I ended. I left the Alexa alone. Because I assume Alexa did not want to obey my will. Maybe I'm too selfish, not willing to be patient with Alexa. Alexa is so dear to me, his attention, his loyalty so far than me. How could I, if left alone. My ego but in fact higher. I'm more inclined to follow the will of my bad. Maybe with me gone, we will be able to share mutual introspection.